10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome

I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.

9. Men are not sponges

Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.

8. Women are racists

Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.

7. Men live less than women

The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!

6. Men write illegibly

Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.

5. Jesus was a man

Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.

4. Men wear watches

Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.

A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.

3. Boys destroy things

The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!

2. Marriage is stupid

Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.

Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.

1. Men have penises

When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’

Greatness Comes in Inches. That’s a bit of subtle penis humor for you, but it’s also true.

Being an inch short for a roller coaster means waiting a year to try again. Missing Hitler by an inch with your 1903 Springfield sniper rifle means your kids are playing Wolfenstein with German keyboards. If the milkman had missed Lynne Spears’ vagina by an inch, there would be no Britney.

Anal is the only form of birth control shown to be 100% effective. Even abstinence failed once.

In the case of IQ, science has shown men to be smarter than women by mere inches. Even though women act like retarded monkeys, they don’t test like them. Still, what does “mere inches” actually look like? I’ll bet it’s fucking enormous.

That’s another bit of subtle penis humor for you.

Men have more grey matter in their brains than women. Man scientists proved it and I brought it to you like Moses under a hail of feminist denial. Men have statistically higher IQs and are statistically more often geniuses. Once again, man science proved it and I repeated it.

Men are better than women.

On average, men are five IQ points smarter than women. Male intelligence is also more widely distributed than women, meaning that men are more likely to vary from the average intelligence of 103. Women, with their ability to interpret everything wrong and in their favor, claim this wider distribution to be proof that men are more often geniuses and more often idiots.

Wrong.

Also, women say that five IQ points is not really a big deal. The Wave of Genius is made up of mere inches, but it also gave us algebra and pesticides. “Mere inches” gave us irrigation, plumbing, bronze, the internet, airplanes and X-Ray machines. “Mere inches” gave us Caddyshack and it gave us EVERYTHING. If men are consistently better than women by 5%, that means men invented and conceived of everything 5% faster than women.

Which means men created everything.

1% can be a huge number. Condoms fail 2% of the time when used perfectly, and that’s a big fucking percent. Trust me. 5%? I don’t even want to think about paying for five abortions. One is expensive enough.

Game, Set, Match? Me Thinks So Kids.

Very Sorry for the lack of updates, Ive been very busy with alot of things in life, will get back to posting more frequently guys, or at least I'll try.. Until then, enjoy this little piece of work.

Women absolutely hate having sex with me. Sometimes, before the “doing it” even starts, they want it to be over. After a roll in the hay with yours truly, a woman feels dirty, degraded, disgusted, damaged, demeaned, and most importantly, sore as fuck.

They hate it. And after a week, she’ll feel even worse.

Yet years later, this same woman won’t be able to turn it down. She’ll cancel plans for it. She’ll lie to her best friends for it. Stand back. Kunta is about to blow your mind with some Man Zen.

Women hate sex and are also simultaneously addicted to it.

When it comes to understanding women, it’s important to remember one thing: women are not men. Women couldn’t be men if they tried. Could you imagine a bunch of women hoisting an American flag on the hilltops of Iwo Jima? I could. But only if they were all in bikinis and it was like that 70’s movie Heavy Metal.

1. All women hate sex.
2. All women are cheating whores.
3. If you think that’s a contradiction, you’re either a woman, a virgin, or you’re wasting your time pleasuring women for no reason. That’s a loss of Man Points.

Women are supposed to hate sex.

Women like to be ignored because they don’t want to feel the pressure of having to say something smart. Imagine a five pound bag packed with ten pounds of shit. That’s a woman’s brain. It’s under an extreme amount of pressure, and full of more shit than it can handle. When you let a woman know that her brain is not what’s important to you, you’re dumping out all that shit and bringing her some sweet relief.

Nothing in Cosmo is meant to make women smarter. So don’t appreciate a woman for something she’s not trying to be. No one hires a prostitute to play Hamlet. No man wants to fuck a woman to make her feel good. When I take a shit, I don’t ask the toilet why it seems distracted.

Women don’t want to be pleasured in bed. They want to be used like a tool. It’s how they’ve evolved. Treating a woman like crap is not like treating a man like crap. Women need it to feel good about themselves.

Men base our self-worth on the money we make, the ass we kick, and number of people’s opinions we don’t give a fuck about. Women, however, base their self-worth on how much pleasure they bring men. That’s why Paris Hilton is so popular among women and why make-up exists. That’s why women worship Tinkerbelle. She can make men fly.

And she doesn’t have to take a shower afterwards.

The truth is, if a woman doesn’t hate sex with you, you’re doing it wrong. Yes, women hate sex. Yes, women hate sex with me — especially with me. And yes, women are all whores.

That’s Man Zen.

Women only deserve anal.